It’s probably the most inane evening of the week, the one the place we watch The Bachelor.
Pudding simply bought achieved murdering the bookmark I used to be utilizing—
Pudding: That you just thought you have been utilizing.
–and is now taking a nap.
We open with the contestants flying to the Bahamas to fulfill Zach. My idea, as you will have learn earlier than, is that girls go on this present not for the Bachelor, however for the worldwide journey, friendship alternatives, and limitless liquor.
Pudding: That’s nonetheless not adequate.
Zach takes a bathe exterior due to course he fucking does.
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Additionally the ladies are actually calling Zach, “Zach the snack.”
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The primary one-on-one date goes to Kat. Greer begins crying as a result of she seems like Zach (who completely doesn’t plan these dates) doesn’t wish to spend time together with her. The opposite ladies consolation her.
Zach meets Kat by the seashore and says, “I’m only a Bahama Papa on the lookout for his Bahama Mama!”
Mmmkay.
Then Zach arms her sunscreen and asks if it may go on his face. Is there sunscreen that can’t go in your face?
Good job with the SPF safety, although, I assume.
They bought out on a yacht and make out so much. It’s noisy. And boring. Later they go snorkeling.
Again on the resort the opposite ladies are goofing round within the pool and 1000% having a greater time than Kat.
Additionally there are a bunch of seagulls and Pudding completely desires to homicide them.
Anastasia questions what she’s even doing there as a result of she thinks Zach is connecting extra with different ladies.
You’re in a pool, within the Bahamas. That’s what you’re doing there.
It’s 37 levels and so windy it’s raining sideways right here. I’d faux date Zach for a pool and a few sunshine proper about now. Pudding would float round in a flamingo floaty harassing the seagulls.
On the dinner throughout which they can not eat, Kat follows the present format and divulges her private trauma whereas unhappy music performs within the background. She says she and her mother have a strained relationship and she or he didn’t even dwell at residence for components of her childhood. She additionally says she desires a standard household.
She says she nervous that somebody like Zach, who had a “wholesome” upbringing, gained’t need her.
Kat is totally beautiful, a registered nurse, and really humorous. Zach is…there.
Pudding: Woman, he doesn’t even deserve your left over kibbles.
Zach says kissing Kat is like two meteors colliding and making a star.
My husband from the opposite room: THAT’S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.
Someplace Neil DeGrasse Tyson simply full physique shuddered.
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In the course of the group date they dance on the seashore and drink cocktails out of coconuts. There are conch fritters.
Gabi is upset as a result of many of the snacks contain shellfish and she or he has an allergy. “I actually can not kiss Zach as a result of he had shellfish.”
I imply, isn’t that the brilliant aspect of that allergy? “Oh sorry babe, I’m allergic to you. Gonna simply sip my rum right here and benefit from the seashore.”
Anastasia asks Zach for some alone time, which irritates the opposite ladies.
Kylee walks as much as them and pulls the “can I steal you for a minute?” (take a shot).
Anastasia asks for an additional minute. Kylee doesn’t again down. The entire thing is bizarre and awkward. Kylee says “I don’t wish to battle you” by which it’s fairly clear she meant verbally battle, however Anastasia goes round appearing like Kylee was going to bodily battle her.
It comes up once more in the course of the cocktail hour. Kylee complains about it to Zach. She additionally tells Zach that Anastasia has been bragging about what number of Instagram followers she’ll get because of being on the present.
Charity later confirms to him that Anastasia did discuss her social media following.
Zach is nervous she’s there for the celebrity and never for him.
Pudding: So guess what…
Zach asks to speak to Anastasia and flat out asks her if she’s there for him or for web fame. She says she’s there for him.
Zach says he must go give it some thought. Anastasia says she’s damage and doesn’t know why anybody would put doubt in his thoughts.
Again on the ingesting sofa, Kylee says she’s the one who advised him concerning the Instagram factor.
That is so pointless.
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Later Zach provides the date rose to Ariel. Anastasia cries.
The following day, Brooklyn and Zach journey ATVs for his or her one-on-one date. Zach is on his fourth Hawaiian shirt of the episode.
Throughout dinner Brooklyn will get emotional and tells Zach she was in a bodily and emotionally abusive relationship for six years. She tells him she thinks her associate would have killed her had she not gotten out of the connection. She’s shaking whereas she tells him this and I wish to hug her a lot. A number of the particulars of what she endured are onerous to listen to.
To not diminish Brooklyn’s story in any respect, however as she’s telling it Zach is alarmingly sweaty and crimson. I form of anticipated him to move out.
Guess he by no means bought a solution to the “does the sunscreen go on my face” query.
Wealthy appears to be like up from his iPad and asks, “Wait, is he okay?”
I believe it’s time for Zach to drink some non-alcoholic fluids and take a Benadryl whereas the ladies hang around and eat desserts.
The following evening it’s time for the Pre-Dreaded Rose Ceremony cocktail celebration, and Zach begins it off by asking to speak to Anastasia. She tells him once more that she’s there for him, not for the social media fame.
The following shot we get is Zach main her to the Limo of Tears.
For some cause, Kylee bursts out crying. “I hate myself,” she says.
The opposite ladies consolation her and inform her she did nothing and that individuals shouldn’t be speaking about their social media following after the present.
Pudding: Sure, you will need to keep the phantasm we care about… no matter his identify is. The one with the face.
Jess is sporting quite a lot of physique glitter and I’m eager about how terrible that have to be to get off within the bathe.
Davia hasn’t gotten a lot time with Zach and begins crying as a result of she feels defeated. It’s value mentioning that the capturing schedule for this present makes everybody sleep disadvantaged which ramps up feelings.
Kylee remains to be crying and says she will’t survive one other rose ceremony and simply desires to go residence.
Shit, I am residence and I wish to go residence watching this.
Zach sends Davia and Genevie residence.
That’s it for episode 4. Are you watching?
